The greatest historical controversy of our times continues

by Phil Gamaghelyan

According to an unnamed source at the Russian Foreign Ministry, negotiations are underway to determine the final status of the Dolma. However, two key principles of culinary law are in conflict here. Right of food-determination of dolma eaters and status of dolma’s holistic integrity.

The parties to the conflict include Turkey, Armenia, Artsakh/Nagorno-Karabakh Republic, Azerbaijani Republic of Zangezur, Azerbaijani Republic of Armenia, Armenian Republic of Azerbaijan, Greece, Cyprus, Turkish Republic of Cyprus, Iran, the US and China.

The glorious ancient history of Dolma is, of course, also contested. The remnants of the oldest Dolma have been recently found at the border of the present day Armenia and Azerbaijan, which is likely to only intensify the conflict. Armenia and Azerbaijan now dispute where exactly the ancient borders of each of them were.

Armenians did not forget to mention once again that they do not consider Azerbaijan a nation. The key argument was that unless you have a map dated 95-55 BC showing your name, you are not a nation. Maps dated earlier or later do not count. To support their case they stressed that France, Italy, Germany are not nations either. The only exception to this rule according to Armenia is obviously Russia, concluded that source.

Azerbaijani side also stressed that Armenians are not a nation. They presented historical evidence produced by an authoritative web-site ‘anti-armenian.fu’ that any evidence of any Armenian existence ever, including today, are a gross falsification and conspiracy.

Back to our most ancient Dolma. We forgot to mention that it has been found in a stomach of remains of a pterodactyl. Which is likely to be the most ancient pterodactyl ever, of course.

The additional complication, however, is that Hong-Kong now sent a delegation to contest the origins of Dolma based on the fact that the pterodactyl is an ancient Hong-Kongese bird.

Conflict to be continued and never resolved. As Dolma is a force that what gives us meaning…

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